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My First Celebrity Crush!!! (on a dead person)

August 23, 2012

Here is the second post in my series on crushes that I have had in my life.  In my last post, I left you with a heart-warming depiction of my first two crushes on living, breathing males.  In this post, you will hear about the first crush that I ever had on someone who had long since been moldering in the grave, or, if you prefer, who had long since left this earth and gone to the great beyond.

Unlike most girls of my generation, my first celebrity crush was not on one of the New Kids on the Block.  I turned up my nose at these mere teens for whom my fellow fourth grade girls were drooling and choreographing dances.

“Which one do you want to marry?” asked my friend Hannah when I spent the night at her house.  She pointed out each New Kid on the gigantic poster above her bed.  “Danny, Donny, Jordan, Jon, or Joe?”

“Eeeeew!  Not one of them!” I cried in exaggerated disgust.  They certainly were handsome, all in their matching denim jackets, but I wasn’t going to admit this to her.

“If you HAD to!  If someone said they would shoot you and your family if you didn’t,” she insisted.

But though she had pulled out the big guns, I held my ground and did not pick a New Kid.  These teenage crooners with their harmonies and syncronized dance moves could not compare with my first celebrity love.  They never stood a chance because my first love was the actual King of Rock and Roll himself, Elvis Presley.

I began loving Elvis in the second grade when my class did a dance to his song “Teddy Bear” for our annual May Day performance.  Once I heard him, I was a goner.  There was something about that song, that voice!  It was just so scandalously, yet so irresistably obvious that Elvis liked girls!  (Most boys in the second grade didn’t like girls.)

With Elvis as our pied-piper, for the first time in May Day history, the boys and the girls of the second grade had to dance together.  I wore a pink felt poodle skirt and had to dance around a boy named Paul and pretend that I was in love with him.  At the end of the song, I actually had to swoon!  All of us kids complained endlessly of this humiliation and expressed complete disgust with the partner we’d been given.

I pretended to be mortified to be dancing in such a warm and loving manner with Paul, but in reality, I enjoyed myself because just beyond Paul’s sweaty-from-recess second grade face, I imagined Elvis, floating just above us, cheering me on.  (Because he was in love with me.)

Oh, Elvis!  The times that we had.  Like the ghost that he was, Elvis followed me everywhere.  I talked incessantly about him to my family.  My sister knew that during every game we played during that year, we had to “pretend Elvis is watching us.”  Which may or may not have been creepy for her.

My mom had to sadly inform me that she didn’t know much about Elvis because he was a bit out of style already by the time she was old enough to start paying attention to popular music.  (Which, mind you, means that Elvis was too old for my mom.  But don’t think for a minute that that stopped me.)

I don’t know when I fell out of love with Elvis.  It was a gradual and probably a mutual thing.  Yet for about a year, Elvis rarely left my thoughts for long.  And though our love was doomed from the start (him being a celebrity, MUCH too old for me, and dead), the infatuation I had with him set the stage for the unfortunate, all-consuming nature that my future crushes would take.

Tune into the next installment to learn about some of my soul-rending, unrequited middle school crushes, which were probably pretty similar to most people’s soul-rending, unrequited middle school crushes.  Hooray!

  1. that was my first crush too! i was heart broken when my dad told me he died.
    i’m still in love with him, sadly.

  2. You too?! He was really something, that Elvis. That must have been very traumatic for you to fall in love with him, only to find out later that he was dead. Fortunately, I think our teacher warned us, so I knew what I was getting into.

  3. My first celebrity crush was John Lennon. It started when I was about 10. I would admit he wasn’t much of a looker, compared to the boys of New Kids on the Block, but the songs! I still liked NKOTB, too, but their music sounded childish compared to the Beatles. The NKOTB songs were cute, fun… empty. They lacked something – spirit, or genius… I didn’t really have words for what they lacked at the time, but I knew they lacked something. And because John Lennon’s music had that certain something, I felt that he must have had it, too.

    Of course, Elvis had the added benefit of looking good, too. 🙂

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