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Passive Aggressive Warfare

April 25, 2012

Whenever I encounter someone who is passive aggressive, I try to imagine what the world would be like if international diplomacy were handled in the same way.  It’s an interesting thought because I can’t decide if this type of conflict would bring peace on earth or if it would bring the world to its knees.  (“Oh!  My HEAVENS!  I certainly didn’t MEAN to press that button!”)

Picture with me a passive aggressive diplomatic meeting between the US and North Korea:

Barack Obama: Why, hello, Kim Jong-il!  How nice to finally meet you!  I heard you were feeling a little under the weather…a little…ill?  (Chuckles to self.)

Kim Jong-un: Kim Jong-il was my father.  He is dead.  I’m Kim Jong-un.  I can see why you would mix the two of us up.  He and I are VERY similar, especially when it comes to flesh-eating monster, er, foreign policy.

Barack Obama: Oh, of course!  Silly me!  I suppose the IL-ness got the better of him!  (Flashes a winning smile.)  So sorry for your loss.  Anyway, on to brighter things.  How are your people doing these days, Mr. Kim?  Still happy, healthy, and hearty as always?

Kim Jong-un: Oh, fine, fine, thanks for asking.  And speaking of happy, it sounds like your folks over there in the USA are getting pretty psyched up for the big election, eh?

Barack Obama: Yes, you are correct, sir.  But I guess the word “election” doesn’t quite translate into North Korean, does it?  Heh heh heh.

Kim Jong-un: Well, I look forward to our next peace talk, Mr. Obama.  At least one of us will be there.  Heh heh heh.

Barack Obama: Yes, well, you know, with all these crazy revolutions going on around town, there’s no telling, is there, Mr. Kim?  Heh heh heh.

And so on.  We could only hope that it would be televised.

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